This is my truth main body text, to go on the photo.
Losing my Dad to suicide hit me like the ‘Shanghai Maglev’.You know someone so well, but do not know the path they are truly taking, there’s no consoling yourself,questions keep creeping in.I did not need consoling! Frustration ,loneliness,anger,loss,hurt ....I wasn’t functioning.I wasn’t working..Overpowering all ‘I’m Not Working’ said to me,we are always broken but acceptance is empowering. "I have to change to stay the same”- Willem de Kooning
Growing up in a small American town with severe depression and anxiety -coupled with thoughts and feelings that were largely divergent from the little world around me- left me feeling like there was something deeply broken inside of me. Somehow this song spoke to that part of me all those years ago, in a way that other songs didn't. I would put it on when I wanted those feelings to be made concrete; made real by someone else who just knew how to describe the indescribable.
I still have no idea why you liked this song so much? This album will always remind me of you!
I was 18, closeted, depressed. This album saved me, particularly I'm Not Working, which summed up exactly how I felt - petrified for the millionth time, slowly my soul evaporates, no parachutes no dismal clouds, just this fucking space. Nick wrote about depression from an unglamorous perspective with such direct honesty and grace; they gave me strength when I had none, and solace when the pain was overwhelming. They meant the world to me then, and now. I'll always be grateful they were there.
I hate my job & the guilt eats me up inside.
I’m Not Working is a track I turn to when I’m on a downer. It takes me back to a period of adolescence where I broke away from my fellow peers. It’s partly an immersion of isolation and sadness but it’s so lucid and beautiful that it feels like you are opening a door into another, beautiful world - your world, where nothing can touch you.
I didn't react to a death in the family in the same way as everyone else. I'd never dealt with it before. I thought it meant I was broken. I still react to death differently. But I know I'm not broken. I still feel, I just can't show it like others do. It's lonely, but that's how I cope.
The first time I heard 'This Is My Truth...' was on a broken cassette player (remember those?) with one broken speaker. I was needless to say confused by the direction of this new Manics album, but when I took the tape home and listened to it in stereo, the technicolor and beauty of songs like 'I'm Not Working' and 'Black Dog On My Shoulder' forever became the sound of my autumns to follow over the next two decades.
Looking forwards to seeing the band perform this in Cambridge in May! In 1998-1999 I spent a significant amount of time locked in a room with this playing on a loop while I bashed out my BSc. Computer Science dissertation! And I got a First! I put it down to the album 🙂👍🎶
I already knew and was a fan of this band. I was in an awful place regarding living accomodation and close family relations as well as being in the middle of doing exams. I remember listening to this album in full alone and it scared me that I resonated so deeply with the lyrics, but in more ways than one it gave me a voice of expression and courage to leave that environment as I finally recognised my self-destruction. This song is the most hard-hitting and its title is enough to understand why.